I wish I had a best friend and I wish I was a better friend back then. I cherish being able to see some people, but we’ve grown apart & changed. I reach out and try but everyone’s busy with their own lives. It’s understandable. I just wish I was a better friend back then. I’ve never been someone’s best/good friend and vice versa. I have friends/acquaintances but they have someone else they’re better with. It sucks because I wish I had that. I wish someone would reach out to me. Sometimes, it does get sad and lonely.

this past year, something unexpected happened. it made me so sad and made me realize how alone & lonely i was. it made me feel like friends, who i thought would & did, didn’t care about me. didn’t care, didn’t 100% listen, wasn’t there for me. i’ve concluded that they don’t understand since they never experienced this heartache & everyone has their own life to deal with. it made me realize that i don’t need/want to work on friendships anymore. it makes me really sad when i think about how depressed I was and how I’ve changed from it. i felt like my life was on pause for a long time, i was drowning in my own thoughts for awhile… even though the pain will fade, i’m still going to need a lot of time to heal and it sucks because this is going to be something i will always remember. i need to forgive. everything just sucks, yknow? so weird and crazy.

sometimes a flood of emotions come rushing back or I’d be overthinking and i have to stop what I’m doing and cry, but i’m doing a lot better now. It doesn’t hurt as much. and I’m proud of how strong i’ve been. everything will be okay.

People will never understand what you’re going through until they have felt that pain.

"When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody else compliments you, then compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It’s up to you. Encouragement should come from the inside."

— Joel Osteen (via onlinecounsellingcollege)